Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
