I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Randomize
