Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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