winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
