Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize