The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Please don't give away my fajitas
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
