i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
