i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
