I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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