Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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