Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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