the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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