I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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