just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
