I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
