In the future we'll all be gay
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
