i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
