If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
