I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
