Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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