she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
