i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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