I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
