i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
