Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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