I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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