So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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