ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
pray to the hookup gods
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
