the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
