You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
