Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Randomize
