nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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