I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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