I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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