I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize