Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
