I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
