Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
