quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
