I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He? As in you personified your dick?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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