He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
