i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
