I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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