Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
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