dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
