I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
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Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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