just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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