So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
