Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
