i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
This gyro tastes like lonliness
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
