Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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