I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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