the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Randomize
