i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Pooping to opera.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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