I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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