I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
