What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
