It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
