I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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