jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize