This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Everyone says I win the strip club
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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