My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
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When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
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She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.