He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
