How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Some milfs here doing some blow
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner