my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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