you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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