My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
