Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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