sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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