My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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