Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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