There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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