so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
