And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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