took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
