I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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