Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
