He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I stole a fireplace last night.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Randomize
