I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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