Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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