I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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