Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
