guys are not supposed to queef...right?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
